Brown Nuggets

Shanghai = Korea = Flu/Sorethroat?

Need to stop falling sick after every trip. I don't realize how physically tiring my work is coz I'm busy doing something all the time. And very often I don't feel hungry even though I may not have eaten for over 10 hours. Good for losing weight but not for health.

Have been drinking lots of water and taking a variety of multivits and supplements but somehow still not enough I think. Maybe it's the dry and cold climate on board and at the various destinations.

Been sleeping lots everytime I'm back in Singapore and only managed to run twice over the week coz of the travelling and flu/sorethroat. Haven't done weights for about a month but not super bothered by it. As usual, it's the weight on the scales and BMI that matters (even though it's not the best gauge of finesse).

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Had a happy dream last night and was kinda disappointed to realize it wasn't real when I woke up. It's strange that I should still feel this way after so many years. I've always known that it's best to (and pushed myself to) accept reality and move on. And now the suppressed memories and emotions are coming out in my sub-conscious state.

The unexplained outpouring of tears over the past few years upon various memory-triggers puzzles and somewhat disturbs me. Is there another waiting round the corner? Are my repressed feelings snowballing and will they finally erupt in an uncontrollable and irreparable state as some would believe? How am I able to carry on in such a calm and pragmatic way despite the way I feel? I do not understand myself.

Do I really still have these feelings or is this merely the nature of humans - we simply choose to hang on to the "happiest" memory in our life when we don't see anything ahead (yet).

Am I hardened beyond belief and perhaps unable to truly love? When I see well-matched couples, I am truly happy for them and want to believe that they will stay together and remain faithful and happy always. As for my own love life, I have become rather cynical.

It's not that I don't want a life-partner. I just wonder, considering my temperament and expectations, if one exists for me?

posted by Pocahontas @ 12:46 PM