Brown Nuggets

Thank You

Thank you for loving and caring so much about me. Thank you for your sacrifices and efforts to get me to grow spiritually. Most of all, thank you for setting me free.

In doing so, you are allowing me to cherish the wonderful memories we had instead of making me focus on all the unhappiness and frustration.

I will always remember how welcome I felt with your family and among your friends. The unconditional love that I have been showered with will remain etched in my memories for years to come. Thank you guys for teaching me how to love. I am still learning.

I don't know if I will ever find another person who will love me as much but I do know that I need to be single at this point in my life.

Will I regret when I am older? Perhaps. But I will blame no one. It is my decision. I will rather do this, than jump into something I am not sure about and risk a lifetime of misery.

Sometimes when I think about the good times we had, I am overwhelmed with sadness. Thoughts of what might have been? Wasted. Dreams that will never be realized? Wasted. In all honesty, you have been the best travel and eating companion.

But I believe I made the right decision because I am definitely not ready. I need a heart of flesh before I am ready to love again. I recognize that now and I do not wish to end up hurting anyone else. Sorry for all the grieve I have caused and sorry for wasting your time.

Maybe my heart died or hardened long ago without me realizing it. Maybe I had already given up on relationships. Is that why I am able to go about life as if nothing will ever get me down? Is that why I am so passive?

Or maybe I just need to find someone/something I am truly passionate about. I have no answers.

There are too many things I want to do right now and I can only do them if I'm on my own. One can hardly take off at a moments notice if one is attached. I need to be focused if I am to achieve my dreams.

Selfish thoughts perhaps, but that's just me.

I just do not want to wake up one day to a mediocre life only to realize I have spent half my life procrastinating.

You and I, we have different dreams and neither of us should have to compromise what we love doing and what we want to achieve in life.

Maybe I am passing up a good opportunity.

Maybe I will have to remain single all my life as a forfeit. Who knows?

But I do wish the best for you and I believe that if you stay close to the Lord and keep your heart open, you will surely meet someone more suitable.

Someone spiritually strong. Someone who is able to love you wholeheartedly. Someone who will be a great help in your ministry and in your personal struggles.

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Wouldn't it be nice if we could instantly be friends like we used to? Hopefully that will eventually happen but I guess it will take time...

posted by Pocahontas @ 12:05 AM